Sunday, January 2, 2011

My Deepest Desire

This is the first time I'm making an entry about myself. All the previous posts had been dedicated to kpop.
Since evryone is still in New Year mode, I think it is appropriate to talk about new year's resolution. But I think mine is more to a long-life resolution. ^^

Growing up with an ambition to be a doctor, and maturing as a teenager makes me forgot my ambition and focused to something I found enjoyable which is English and foreign language.

I went to a science school. In the science school everyone (almost) have ambitions that related to sciences. you name it. Doctor, physicians, engineer etc. So I felt it was better to have a dream of becoming a doctor. I was doing so well in the lower form. When I was in the upper form, my grades started to drop. And I did really moderately in my SPM. Although some of my friends (not my schoolmates) said that my result is ok. But look, if you're in a science school and scored B3 for sciences subjects, it really is not cool. Despite that, I got A1 in all non-science subjects. Wait, I got A1 for my modern maths.

Then I entered Matriculation College. Again in science stream. I found Maths is exceptionally hard. I was doing okay in Chemistry and moderately in Biology. That time, I started to neglect my once dream of becoming doctor. Day after day, I became so confused and at times I can say that I was a little depressed because I don't have goal in my life especially during the second (which is last) semester. I couldn't decide what I wanted to be. A part of me told me that I no longer have this desire to be a doctor or other science-related jobs. While another part of me said that I shouldn't give up for my parents. My parents never aid that they wanted me to become a doctor. It was me who make them believe that I wanted to be a doctor. There was a little hope that they put on me. Some other parts of me were asking me, then what is my goal? What is my passion? What is my dream?
Those questions sometimes make me want to cry.

One day, I realized that I have two things that I love. Writing short stories in English and Kpop.
Then I thought I shouldn't like Kpop for nothing, not only fangirling, I must make use of my enthusiasm. Then later I figured out that I wanted to master Korean language. I wanted to go there. I want to work there. I want my fangirling became an inspiration to me. Kyaa~~ This is first time I ever tell someone about this. i've been keeping this in my head all this while. Fuhhh~~

After Matriculation College, I entered UPM (Malaysia Putra University). After 6 years of being a scince student, I changed my direction to literature. I took English Linguistics. Although before, I did consider of furthering studies in Optometry. At UPM, I got the opportunity to take Korean Language class. Although I'm happy living my life at university, sometimes I felt so small when I heard some of my schoolmates talking about medics and how hard it is. I mean, like, I dunno if you understand me but it kinda awkward and uncomfortable to heard that. Nevertheless tomorrow is the first day of semester 2. I hope it will be another great semester for me.

Sounds so serious eh??

Oh, new year resoulution!!

  • I want to be someone who is closer to her God
  • I want to be a daughter that is reliable to her family
  • I want to get a higher CGPA so that I can get JPA scholarship next sem.
  • I want to be someone wiser yet with the same carefree and fun spirit
  • I want to be skinny! and get good skin ~_^
  • I want to go to overseas! I went to Indonesia before. And if God's willing, my family and I will visit Singapore in February! I want to perform the Umrah too! Then I really want to visit Canada, Australia, Japan, London, Italy, Bali Island and of course I want to go to South Korea!! I want to visit Seoul, Jeju Island and Nami Island! Oh yeah, I want to visit sabah and Sarawak too!
  • I want to go to Kpop concert that will be held in Malyasia. I dun think I afford all the concert's tix. But there is one concert that I really want to go. I believe that this concert means a lot to me. Cuz they are my inspiration. I wanted to do what I want to do bcuz of these guys. I believe that if I go to their concert, that will fire up my desire. That is Super Junior's Super Show 3. 

  • I want to write more stories!! I want to brag I little here.. Kekekke.. When I was in Form 5, I wrote lotsa short stories. At first I just wrote it for fun. Then my bed-neighbour started to read it, the my BFFs, and all my dorm-mates. And some of my classmates and batch-mates started to read them too. At one time I wrote a thriller story. It was pretty lenghty and I wrote them by parts. They were pretty angry when I didn't continue writing them quickly. ^^ Before I entered Matriculation College, I spent most of my time fan-girling and I discovered the arts of writing fanfics. Most of the fanfic is love-themed. It was a new things that I tried to write. I never wrote love story before especially in Malay Language (I thing it is too cheesy and jiwang to write in Malay). I got lots of warm feedback from other youtubers. One of my fanfic the Destiny series is the most popular one. The 1st part of the fanfic got 97935 viewers!! It's kinda rare for fanfic vids! Oh yeah I googled some images of Korean Idols last week and guess what? Some stills pictures from my Destiny fanfic were included! Daebak!!! Some of the viewers comments are really makes me feel appreciated as a fanfic writer, they makes me wanna make more fanfics and make me wanna be a better writer. Here are some of the most memorable comments (mind you this is not something that i made up. I copy the comments and paste it here):

  • They should really turn this into a real drama


  1. fatin!!!!kyeopta!!!fangirling is really a motivation for u..n i really enjoy reading ur ff..damn cool!whoopsy!! haha,,cussing lagi XD
    anyway,,we were in the same ye o..but still it was an ambition..u've made the best decision ever for ur future..remember that! :)

  2. will support behind u..all the very best..=)

  3. x smpt bce tp i saw suju's ss3...gyaah~! mst la i'll support u yongwonhi~

  4. ooops! t'kuar yg assgnment nyer name lak...ha3